I yelled. I got angry.
Take me back to those first few days of our adoption when everything was new and all I wanted was to make our little girl happy.
I would have bought her anything she wanted that first day, done anything she asked and tried everything under the sun to make her happy.
Those first few days were all about her happiness.
Her happiness was our happiness.
Fast-forward to today..
It was supposed to be a fun family trip to the grocery store. It was only Haddie’s second time being in a store in the US since she’s been home.
However, it quickly unraveled into an “anything but fun” trip to the grocery store.
Something triggered Haddie to react in ways that she hasn’t in months.
So, her and Papa sat in the last parking spot of the row while Mama went in….
Defeat is what you could say I felt as I wearily wandered around the store trying to piece together a cart full of groceries. (I must have looked the part because an elderly man offered to help me place my groceries up on the register.)
After time away from the house the past few weeks, we were so ready to be home and back to our normal routine.
But with every routine, comes a new transition. Not only do transitions occur in adoption when things change but also when they go back to normal.
I wasn’t ready for it this time…
My anger came like a flood as I walked toward the car only to find out that the car was still just as heated as when I left it.
The drive home was full of silence and discussion as DJ and I sat in disbelief… we thought we were through this part.
But as I sit here now, I can tell you that we didn’t handle ourselves or our daughter well.
So, tonight after putting our daughter to sleep, I sat down with a bowl of chocolate ice cream, a devotional and my Bible and wept.
I wept over my weakness as a Mom. I wept over the fact that I haven’t been in my Word like I should which caused me to lash out instead of look up.
So, when I began listening I heard Him say, “You have to be purposeful”.
I heard Him loud and clear.
Raising a child to be a child of the King doesn’t just “happen”.
It is a process that needs prayed over…and over again.
It needs Truth spoken into it.
It needs the Father’s blessing over it.
Why didn’t today run smooth, why were we back where we were 2 months ago and why did it feel as if nothing was working?
We had our agenda but didn’t ask our own Father for His in that moment.
God honors purposeful living and prayer.
My response tonight, “Let’s bring purpose to the chaos!”
So, I picked up my chalk and started what now is our weekly “Faith Focus” board.
Purposeful parenting doesn’t just happen, it’s created.
Are there still going to be days in parenthood where nothing goes to plan? Yes
Are we still going to make mistakes and let anger get the best of us? Yes
But God still bids us come…
And so here is where you’ll find us, acknowledging our weaknesses and allowing God to create purpose.
Parenting with purpose and prayer.